"I wanna ask you, do you ever sit and wonder, it's so strange that we could be together for so long, and never know, never care what goes on in the other one's head?"

At the moment I'm listening to "You don't know me - Ben Fold (ft. Regina Spektor)".
Last night was pretty wonderful! I got quite shit-faced by like, 12am and THEN we went out to the clubs. Overall, it was a really amazing night. I'm also pretty happy that I didn't spend that much money.

That aside, I've come to the conclusion that I'm pretty lost in life at the moment. I don't know what I want.... with anything?! I'm also feeling a little lonely, and then, I guess, all my emotions come out with this thought of loneliness: overweight, ugly, lonely, broke, lost. I want a relationship, but I don't want to get hurt again, so therefore I'm REALLY scared to even start looking. This is why I'm currently battling with myself over whether or not I should sign up to a dating site. To be realistic, this is the only way/most common way gay people can really meet. I really just don't know what to do with my life? Since I have been hurt before, I absolutely cannot get these negative thoughts out of my head and it makes me really self-conscious and anxious at times. I need help, or a hug? I don't know. :(

I'm actually quite scared of weighing myself tomorrow. Even though I have been to the gym literally every day this week for more than an hour each time, after the weekend I had and all the junk food I ate I am scared.

I want to be normal. Normal-er. I'd even settle for crazy and anti-social. I hate being stuck in the middle. I'm trying to be as happy as I can, and as positive as I can, but at the moment everything is just terrible. :(

This is unfair. Fuck.