"All I did was love you, now I hate the nightmare you've become. I can't let you fool me, I won't need you again. I watched you let yourself die, now it's too late to save you this time. You bury me alive, and everybody's gotta breathe somehow. Don't leave me to die, too consumed by your own emptiness and lies."

At the moment I'm listening to "Bury me alive - We are the fallen".
I made a pretty big mistake last night. So, I've had this crush on this guy I have known for over a year now. It has been an on-and-off crush for the amount of time I have known him. I met him through a friend and he was the first person (who is also gay) that I came out to. Overall, he as been such an amazing friend and inspiration to me. He has helped me become the person I am today. And this "crush" that I had for him was completely secret. He did not know a thing.

Anyways, last night he was telling me about this time he and his mate had some "fun" and the way he said it, to me, sounded like he was trying to hint to me that he wanted to "experiment", because he is fairly tame with his sexual experience, and don't know who to "experiment" with. So, as the dickhead I am, I bluntly told him that he could experiment with me if he ever wanted to.

He immediately changed the subject and I kept pushing him to find out an answer. It ended up being really awkward and now I guess I just feel like crap. :/ We are still friends and everything. But nothing will be the way that it used to be. I feel really embarrassed, ashamed, awkward, confused and sad.

Fun night.