"Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens, a thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins. I will never ask if you don't ever tell me, I know you well enough to know you never loved me."

At the moment I'm listening to "Cute without the E - Taking Back Sunday".
This day has been ridiculously hard for me. My ex told me that he doesn't want to remain friends last night, which is COMPLETELY fair enough. I understand that! So, anyways, today was the second day I have gone without one simple minute of sleep, and completely not by choice. So much is racing across my mind. Today I also decided to do a very stupid thing. My friend wanted me to write a letter so I began to put words together, until I realised very quickly that this letter turned into a suicide note. I finished it off and STUPIDLY gave it to my friend. Everything I wrote in that letter was true for the time. I did feel like killing myself today and would have gladly gone through with it if I could. But now I can't for the moment, because my mum found out that I went to see the school councillor today (Who, by the way is absolutely retarded! She diagnoses me with Bi-Polar upon listening to me talk for 15 minutes. Some people just shouldn't be allowed in schools.). So, now mum is worried about me, and of course I don't blame her, but because of her fragile state she's in at the moment, I really wish she hadn't found out.

Let's see what tomorrow brings, hopefully it is better. But there is a great chance that it won't be. There is also a small chance that tomorrow may never arrive, but that probability is highly unlikely....however, not impossible.

Weekly update of the:

List of things I need to do in the near future:

• Only buy a packet of smokes when I can afford it. (I've quit smoking).
• Only smoke on the weekends excluding when I'm feeling MAJORLY depressed.
• STOP smoking in my car. It's starting to smell bad and I'm really starting to not like it.
• Deactivate facebook every time I have a couple of SAC's coming up.
• Focus and really try hard with my schooling. (Trying my hardest).
• Go to the gym as often as possible. (Trying to).
• Cut back on eating big meals every night. (Happening).
• Put in an extreme effort for the subjects I'm not doing so well in (Literature). (Not going so well with).
• Put my relationship and friendships AFTER my studies. (I'm single now).
• Don't be so attached to my boyfriend, if he said "Lets wait", he means it.
• Stay positive. (Trying).
• Smile. (Trying).
• Laugh. (Sometimes).
• Focus. (Sometimes, but really trying).