"And when i close my eyes tonight, to symphonies of blinding light. Like memories in cold decay, transmissions echoing away. Far from the world of you and I, where oceans bleed into the sky."

At the moment i'm listening to "The Catalyst - Linkin Park".
I got rid of all my memories today. Threw out all the photos, all the things that were significant to me and him. No more.

Looking forward to tonight. Rave Party!!! Weowwww! Gonna have a few (or possibly more than a few) drinks with mates tonight. Hopefully get rid of a few more memories or tonight... ;) If you get me. ;)

I'm a little bit worried though, if i do drink a lot, i might get very sick. I haven't eaten in about 3 days... :/

Just not feeling hungry.

"So what if my house is just a van and I'm in love, Would I drive without the miles out west to disconnect. I know I've got this in my head so what if music changed my life. Will it ever changed my mind."

At the moment I'm listening to "Disconnect (acoustic) - The Dangerous Summer". Feeling a little bit more down today. Remembering all the memories as I walk into my house... And realising that my ex has probably already moved on from me in search for someone else. That's the only thing that hurts me..

But overall, I think I'm traveling okay. Got a massive headache because I haven't slept in about 3 nights. Not feeling to fresh.
:(

But oh well, life goes on, hearts get broken, hearts get healed, depression, state of extreme happiness, love, loss, friendships...

All the lovely and confused emotions of a teenage boy.

Talking to my friends have helped a lot in this. It really has, but one person who has REALLY helped me... Even by making me laugh... is my friend Daniel. He's also gay which makes him understand more than anyone else what I'm going through.
A special thanks goes to him for making me feel a bit better!
:)

"I can't dream anymore since you left, I miss you singing me to sleep. I can't wake anymore in your arms, I miss you singing me to sleep."

At the moment I'm listening to "Dressed to Kill - New found Glory". Ahh okay, today has been a strange day. I'm feeling really better with myself. I'm feeling like everything will be okay afterall. I'm remaining friends with my ex and once again hope that this friendship will last. The only thing that got to me today was when I was walking home and 'our song' came on my iPod. I had a few tears fall, but they didn't fall far because i knew I will find someone else. My tears were mainly fueled by happiness rather than loneliness.

I'm getting their. :) things are starting to look up.

In other news, i'm really looking forward to the weekend. Going out to a 'Rave Party', catching up with mates, dancing and having a few drinks. :D
Should put my thoughts to rest for a bit and focus on those people that care for me: my friends.

Hopefully, one day. I will stop calling my ex, "my ex" and refer to him as a mate. I'm getting their and staying strong. :D

"Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds are following me in my desperate endeavor, to find my whoever, wherever she may be."

At the moment i'm listening to "Remembering Sunday - All Time Low". I'm not feeling that sad anymore, more so a bit relieved. Sure me and my boyfriend broke up. But it's not the end of the world.

We've come to the mutual agreement that we are still going to remain as friends, which i think won't be much different to when we we're going out...I felt like that when we we're going out we only seemed like "friends".

I'm glad things have gone down this path, it could have gone a lot worse, we could have had a massive fight and never talk to each other again. But no, we both stayed strong. I have nothing but respect for my ex because he messaged one of my close mates telling him to look after me. This takes strength and courage. I appreciate him doing this. I really do.

So... We remain friends, we hopefully will still see each other, catch up and go to the movies, me, him and my mates or his mates. Or both. Hopefully, just hopefully our friendship will last and won't be awkward. All i can do is hope for the best.

I've stopped crying because it's over, and started smiling because it happened. :)

"You can't save me, you can't change me. Well I'm waiting for my wake up call, and everything, everything's my fault."

At the moment I'm listening to "Save me - Unwritten Law".

Last night my boyfriend broke up with me.

He sees our relationship as "just friends" and wants to keep it that way. I suggested we should work towards fixing it, but he doesn't want to do that. He doesn't love me anymore... And also believes that he only said yes to being my boyfriend because he thought he wouldn't find anyone else.

I'm hurt.

And even though he won't admit it, it was my weight that disgusted him. He made me promise him that I would get a job and in the future fix my "problem" to make myself happier. By "problem" I can only assume he means weight.


See, from an outsiders perspective, this would sound really mean and that I don't deserve a person like him... But because I'm still so in love with him, I just don't see it yet.


I'm distraught. A fucking basket case.

It's a fucking horrible feeling to know that the person you love, doesn't love you back, even if they say they did.

:(

"If you could go anywhere right now, Where would you go? And would you miss me when you get there?"

At the moment i'm listening to "Takeoffs and Landings - The Ataris". I'm excited to see my boyfriend today and spend some time with my mate Aaron. It's good to get out of the house and not focus on homework for a bit... Even though i know it's going to be waiting for me when i get back home.

I wrote my boyfriend a letter and i plan to give it to him today. I hope he likes it. Nothing really new has happened in my life in the past 24 hours... and when i read back over these posts, i realise i sound like a whining little bitch, and all i talk about is how shit my relationship is....

But i'm starting to realise that i should be extremely greatful that i'm in a realationship with the person i love. I'm starting to get better, starting to focus more on the positives in life. Hopefully i'll have a happy day out today. :)

"And you smell like how angels oughta smell, and you look like you're ready to go. So hold my hand, I'll take you everywhere, anywhere you wanna go."

At the moment I'm listening to "Hold my Hand - New Found Glory". I'm watching The Inbetweeners and just finished talking to my boyfriend. I've been talkin to him on and off all night. I'm still a bit unsure how things are going between us but i've decided to stay positive. I'm trying to not let it get to me. I can only hope for the best.

I ask my boyfriend a question tonight. I asked: "Are you happy? With how you life has turned out? And with your relationship with me?
His response was: Yeah, I guess so.

That was all that was said. What does he mean "I guess so"?

For some reason I only see the negatives in things... So from that I get that he's not happy with the relationship... But if I think on the positives he could be meaning "I guess" as in he was surprised at what I asked him. I don't know, maybe I'm just overthinking it.
I guess being madly in love with someone does that to you.