"He's torn between his honor and the true love of his life. He prayed for both but was denied."

At the moment I'm listening to "Hands of Sorrow - Within Temptation".
And I really thought that my life couldn't get any worse. I was in a pretty bad car accident today. I'm fine and so was my passenger, but my car is not. I was entering a roundabout turning right when this fucking cunt on my right hand side flew through the roundabout when he was clearly supposed to stop and crashed into my car. Unfortunate as it is, the police came to the scene of the accident and ruled out that It was my fault. Even though when I entered the roundabout it was obviously clear of cars and the car who smashed into me, the driver being 19 years old, did not even have P plates on the car. But, the cop stands his ground when he says it was my fault.

This puts a lot of pressure on my family now as I had to pay for his car to be fixed through my insurance PLUS pay for the damage that happened to my car. And since my mum and I are practically living in poverty at the moment, and with me not currently earning an income, it is going to be very difficult.

I wish I had died in the accident. I really wish I did. BUT, since I didn't, I am going to cut my body up with a sharp razor until I can't feel anything anymore. I have finally given in to the thing I hate most: Self harm.

I am currently quite drunk and have my razor in my hand at the moment. This isn't the way I planned on ending my year, but I guess life can be unpredictable.

Fuck, I really wish I was dead!