"You know you can't give me what I need, and even though you mean so much to me, I can wait through everything. Is this really happening? I swear I'll never be happy again, and don't you dare say we can just be friends, I'm not some boy that you can sway. We knew it'd happen eventually."

At the moment I'm listening to "If it means a lot to you - A Day To Remember".
Today is the day I have completely and sucessfully finished my high school life. Today I recieved my ATAR score of 65.55! And even though this number doesn't sound like a lot, to me, It means the world. I am so proud of myself for getting through VCE and coming out the other side with a decent enough result to get into the course the I really want. Hopefully I get accepted!

On a more sadder note. I just did one of the stupidest things and I regret it entirely! :(
I just 'Facebook Stalked' one of my exs to see how he went with his VCE results.... and instead of finding what I wanted to see, I found his new boyfriend. I really don't know why this effected me the way it did. I don't still have feelings for him, we broke up about 4-5 months ago, he was NOT the best boyfriend in the world, but for some reason it just fucking hit me. And it fucking hit hard.

It actually hit me so hard that I feel like I want to start cutting again. But that is RIDICULOUS! I can't keep cutting to keep the pain away! And I don't have any smokes, so I can't relieve my stress! :(
I need a distraction, and fast! I don't want to do anything I will regret! But I know too well that when I'm in this certain state of mind, there is no controling what my mind trys to do over my body.
Somebody save me.
Distract me.
I can do this.
I can fight it.
The more I think about it, the worse it gets.
Fucking stop thinking, Jordan!
STOP THINKING!
I need a smoke.
Don't cut.
Don't cut.
Don't cut.
Please, Distract me.

:'(