Well, I just had a pretty dredful day. I thought someone was quite special and genuinely nice.... which he really portrayed himself to be, I guess I was wrong. When someone is texting and talking to me consistently for about a week, making me so happy, feeling like I actually had a place in this world, and then suddenly, completely out of the blue, they start to ignore you, and then you ask why, and they ignore you some more, even though you know they're there; this upsets me. I'm somewhat furious. .... So I guess I can't trust anyone.
Last night I had a very severe anxiety/panic attack. It was the first one I've had in about 7-9 months and it was absolutely terrible. Couldn't breathe, couldn't stop shaking, was feeling numb, hot and cold all at the same time. I got up out of bed and went to the bathroom to splash some water on my face and then I felt like I needed to vomit, so I went to the toilet but as I walked into the toilet I started seeing blots and spots in my eyes, and my heart was racing incredibly fast. Next thing I know I woke up on the floor next to the toilet, I think I might have bumped my head on the way down. Then I vommited a little bit and syumbled back to bed where I got no sleep because I was shaking too much and had a splitting headache.
Woke up this morning with a very bad migrain! It was definitely not a fun experience. But today's experience and disappointment with life was more upsetting. Sometimes you just need to bleed just to know if you're alive.
Not a very fun day. At all. Fuck this.
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