I'm having a little bit of writers block at the moment... I guess, I don't really know what to write. Should I continue to write about my pathetic excuse of a life? Should I write about my relationship confusions and heartaches? Should I talk about the fact that I haven't had a proper meal for over a week, and anything I did eat I ended up throwing up? Should I talk about my life goals and how all of them are incomplete? Should I talk about my exes and how much more attractive they are than me? Should I talk about my childhood, my abusive father and the fact that I was sexually harassed by my female cousin? Should I talk about how much I wished I was straight just to be "normal"? Should I talk about the possibility of my parents getting back together?
I'm sick of talking about the same thing over and over again on this blog! And I bet you're all sick of hearing it. I don't even know If you're reading this, but If you are, I'm sorry for you guys. You have to constantly put up with a stupid fuck like myself.
One thing I would like to talk about is the fact that I think I might be losing one of my closest mates. I have known her since the beginning and she has helped me endlessly throughout my life. I haven't seen her or even spoken to her properly since the start of the year. I don't want to jump to conclusions right away, but I just feel like I'm dragging her down and for that, she doesn't want to spend time with me anymore. I don't think I have spent quality time with her, one-on-one, in about 3 or 4 years. It's extremely saddening and heartbreaking to know that she is enjoying her life with her new mates, some of my mates, and (this probably isn't true) but it just seems like I'm being left out, forgotten, abandoned.
Fuck life. Nothing will ever get better, falling downhill is a lot faster than pulling yourself back up, so why the fuck not accept the fact that things will never be different.
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