"Swinging in the backyard, pull up in your fast car, whistling my name. Open up a beer, and you say get over here, and play a video game."

At the moment I'm listening to "Video Games - Bluejuice (Lana Del Ray Cover)".
It has been exactly one year until I thought I was in love, but I'm trying to not let it affect me. I know I'm COMPLETELY over the past... but sometimes it can still pop by and play on my mind. I guess I'm just having 'one of those days' where everything terrible that has been with me over the past decade has appeared in my head and has hit me all at once.
- Ex boyfriends
- Weight issues
- Self-harm
- Money issues
- Father issues
- Sexual abuse issues
- Self identity issues
- Denial issues
- Constant random sex issues to make my self feel better
Theses are all things that sometimes attack me when I'm most vulnerable and are sometimes hard to let go. I just need a way to deal with them in appropriate and healthy ways, otherwise I will never be happy with myself. I really try to thing of the things that make me smile.
- My mum
- My sister
- Music
- Friends
- Cigarettes
- Alcohol
- University
- Sleep
At the moment, that is all I can think of... I'll get there (: Tomorrow WILL be better, whether I like it or not.

On a semi-related note, I hooked up last night. It was a guy from uni, who is kind of cute.... But also I'm a little scared that I did it just for the "trill" or the "help". Sometimes I use this kind of experience as a form of self-help... but then only regret it the next day. Which I have. I really hope things are not awkward when I see him at Uni. :/