"I linger in the doorway of alarm clock screaming monsters calling my name. Let me stay where the wind will whisper to me, where the raindrops, as they’re falling, tell a story."

At the moment I'm listening to "Imaginary - Evanescence". Yeah, I'm feeling shit at the moment. I really feel fucking shit!!

I just don't know what to do with my life, I'm having trouble with relationships, both friends and gay guys, I just don't know what to do with my schooling, I'm failing a few subjects, I'm finding my suicidal thoughts becoming more apparent, I'm finding myself making these thoughts becoming reality.

"I just don't know" is probably the only explanation I can give for this. There's nothing more I can do. Life doesn't really deserve me. I feel that the only joy I get in life, is simply, nothing. I get no joy out of anything at the moment, even if I'm smiling at the time, doesn't mean I feel like that on the inside.

I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. I just want to cry. I want to throw up. I've found that my angry mood swings are really harming my mum and her emotions. Cliche as this is, Maybe it would be better for her if i wasn't actually here anymore?

Obviously I could never do that to her. But on the other hand, I wouldn't have any feelings when I'm an overdosed, deceased corpse. I just don't fucking know!!!

And yeah, I look back over this post and realise that I sound like a whining little slut. But fuck, someone has to listen to me.

Let's hope I feel a lot better tomorrow, If tomorrow does indeed come.
Goodbye