"I hope this song starts a craze. The kind of song that ignites the airwaves. The kind of song that makes people glad to be where they are, with whoever they're there with. This is war. Every line is about, who I don't wanna write about anymore. Hope you come down with something they can't diagnose, don't have the cure for. Holding on to your grudge. Oh its so hard to have someone to love. And keeping quiet is hard. Cause you cant keep a secret If it never was a secret to start. At least pretend you didn't wanna get caught.."

At the moment I'm listening to "Okay I believe you, but my tommy gun don't - Brand New".
I have had Uni all week and I swear to God it is the BEST thing in the world. I am having so much fun and I am ridiculously happy with everything in my life right now. I am happy with my stable lifestyle, including my stable sleeping pattern (it's still somewhat bad, but it has definitely improved and is getting better quickly). I am also happy that I have made the decision to completely stop having sex with random people I meat online... It was a disgusting habit/addiction to start with and I only really did it to make myself feel a whole lot better at the worst of times. It's only now how unsafe, inappropriate and awful I feel after realising that having sex with strangers made me happy for a short period of time. This stops right now, I have deleted all my Internet profiles and am now just going to focus on my education and possibly meeting guys in the normal way, in person.

In Uni I am studying Psychology, Philosophy, Sociology and Music, and Philosophy (so far) is DEFINITELY my favourite Unit. I am learning so many interesting things and I like listening to other peoples opinions and thoughts regarding the 'theories of human nature'.

I'm so happy that my life is finally starting to look better. I still have a long way to go and I know I will fall sometimes... But I really just want to keep things as positive as I can. :)

I also have made some important decisions in my life at the moment where anyone who REALLY pisses me off or someone who I just cannot stand to be around (an old friend for example) will just not appear in my life as much as I can help it. I really don't want to get dragged down to a shit place in my life again, so I plan to avoid anything that will lead me there :)

I hope you're all fine and well. Keep smiling, it isn't all bad. I am trying to smile at least three times a day in the mirror, laugh out loud twice a day and think of a funny memory or story at least once a day. Join me! :D <3

"The wind died, the whole world ceased to move. Now so quiet, her beating heart became a boom. We locked eyes, for just a moment or two. She asked why, I said "I don't know why, I just know!"

At the moment I'm listening to "This is letting go - Rise Against".
I think it's about time I grow up. I really want to live a stable life with a neat balance of good and bad. I really don't want to spend the rest of my life knowing that things will not get any better, because I've come to realise that they will. Sure I'll have the bad days, but I'll try to be more positive from now on so that the bad days aren't as bad and still somewhat tolerable.

I'm very much looking forward to starting University tomorrow. It's a time to start things again and take my mind on a new adventure where I will hopefully, just hopefully find something or someone beautiful along the way. Hopefully Uni will be the beginning of positive and new attitude towards myself.

It's quite funny, I used to love being single...I used to love the casual sex, the lack of responsibility and the freedom whenever I wanted. But now, I guess I miss someone cuddling up next to me at night and maybe one day I'll find someone who really loves me for me.

Bring on positivity, even though there will be shit times, I will still try my hardest to make the most out of my life from now onwards. I will smile at least 4 times a day, laugh twice and think of a memory that really makes me happy. That's all I need to be happy with who I am. (:

"I'm so rushed off my feet, looking for Gordon Street. So much I need to say, I'm sorry that it's on her wedding day. Coz she's so right for me, her daddy disagrees. He's always hated me because I never got a J-O-B. Cause she's mine, and I'm glad I Crashed the Wedding."

At the moment I'm listening to "Crashed the Wedding - Busted".
I was a little down the past few days for no apparent reason once again, but it hasn't been that bad and I'm starting to pick back up again. I'm just so relieved that I start full-time university next week. I can't stand the late nights, the late mornings and the constant laziness. I really need structure in my life and I'm just glad that uni can provide that for me.

As far as job hunting is going, I still haven't had any call backs and am still desperately searching for jobs, however, I am financially stable at the moment and hopefully when uni starts I will be able to budget my money even better than now.

Even though smoking is a terrible habit, I still smoke. A lot. But recently I've been a little put off by them and I am really trying hard to cut back as much as I possibly can.

Eating habits are, sadly, getting worse. I have eaten a lot over the past week and feel really...sluggish. I guess that is the only word I can use to describe it. So, tonight I vomited a whole large serving of pasta and pretty much an entire burger and large chips. I'm not feeling proud about continuing to vomit to get somewhat skinnier, but in the short term (and maybe even the long term) it makes me feel a little bit better inside.

In other and more exciting news, tomorrow night I am doing my first ever 'all-nighter' in the city. I'll be going to clubs, pubs... and even  a female strip joint.... :/ But my options were either join the guys at the strip joint or catch a cab home by myself. So I might as well go to the strippers and see what all the fuss is about.

Insomnia is still terrible.

Even though people say there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes I feel like I'm just in the wrong tunnel and the light will never shine upon my face. Other times I feel like the light will blind me and I won't like it after being left alone in the dark for so long... But I guess I know in the VERY back of my mind that there IS a light and I will see it one day. I just hope that one day is soon because I'm sick of waiting for it. Instead of waiting for the light to come to me, I might as well start running towards it and hope I am travelling in the right direction.

Anyways, happy reading. (:

"I'm in and out of conversation, It's hard to keep my attention locked down. So don't take offense to anything i say, I tried so hard to keep you coming back my way. But you don't know the half and the one to blame for it. Cause I'm best known for failure, Best known for giving up. There's nothing that I can say that can matter, that can matter enough."

At the moment I'm listening to "At least I'm known for something - New Found Glory".
I've had a pretty up and down week I guess. During the weekdays all I really did was lie in bed or lie on the couch. All of this week I am STILL having terrible nightmares about being in a car crash. It's making me quite paranoid and terrified to get back behind the wheels of a car... Especially since I got my car back today. Apart from having silly paranoia issues, I have stopped pulling out chunks of my hair! Which is REALLY good news!! I think getting my hair dyed was the best idea for not pulling my hair out. Now I like my hair too much to pull it out of my head.

I'm WAYY to scared to check out my weight. I have had a week of extremely unhealthy eating... and I'm really not impressed with myself. I really need to lose weight, so my 'throwing up and starving myself' diet continues as of tomorrow. :) I know it is REALLY terrible for me... but it makes me happy.

As it comes to the end of the weekend, I'm glad to say that I've had a pretty swell weekend. I danced, drank and did card tricks... But deep down inside of me I knew I am still depressed and lonely... and fucking melancholic for no apparent reason.

It really sucks how this feeling doesn't go away, even if you're having the best night.

"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing. Just praying to a God that I don't believe in. 'Cause I got time while she got freedom. 'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even."

At the moment I'm listening to "Breakeven - The Script".
I've had a pretty amazing weekend. I cannot be a prouder little brother at the moment. My sisters engagement party was on Saturday and it was such an amazing night. I drank SOOOO much. :/ So much so that the bartender cut me off. Oops. ;)

It's actually pretty funny, only 4 people got cut off that night (including myself) and all 4 of them are apart of the bridal party. Hahaha, we didn't really set a good example... Oh well, I had the time of my life! I didn't want the night to end. :)

Okay, now the depressing news. I have eaten A LOT over the past three days and have only thrown up once... I am really scared to step back on the scales... In fact... I don't think I will! :/ I'm just having too much fun being fat and eating at the moment. I'll give it a couple of days to enjoy myself and then find the courage to motivate myself again. It will be A LOT easier when i get my car back (hopefully in the next couple of days)!

Anyways, happy reading! <3

"I can hear the sounds of violins long before it begins. Make me thrill as only you know how, sway me smooth, sway me now."

At the moment I'm listening to "Sway - Michael Buble".
Okay, so It's friday! Yayyyyy!! I'm really excited about tomorrow night. It's my sister's engagement party and it will be a hoot! I'm starting to prepare my liver for an endless night of drinking and laughter! I could really go with a good laugh and a good time. Cannot wait!
In more recent news, I have some data to show you! Hope you're all well! Happy reading!

Monday: 1073 calories consumed, 5 smokes consumed.
Tuesday: 52 calories consumed, 11 smokes consumed.
Wednesday: 1331 calories consumed, Threw up, 5 smokes consumer.
Thursday: 332 calories consumer, 12 smokes consumed.
Friday (Today): 1536 calories consumed, Threw up, 8 smokes consumed.

Overall results (From Monday to Friday):
Weight: Lost 4.0kgs in 1 week.
Smokes: 41 overall.
Calories: 4033 overall.

Diet ends pauses for tomorrow and continues on Monday. (:

Current weight: 93.5kgs
Feeling thin. :)

"I'll be your guardian angel, your sweet company. No matter where I go, I'll make sure you're all I see."

At the moment I'm listening to "Guardian Angel - Abandon All Ships".
I've decided I am going to continue with my "dieting" for as long as I can... therefore It won't be necessary for me to be posting EVERY day. I'll still post regularly though :)
Today was the 'Binge-Purge' day. I had a delicious lunch and Dinner, and as soon as dinner was over, I threw it all up :)
Feeling good! I also weighed myself today (before consuming my 1683 calories for the day).

The results so far:

Friday's weight: 97.5kgs
Monday's weight: 95.1kgs
Wednesday's (today's) weight: 93.4kgs

Feeling thin! :)