My boyfriend and I just celebrated our 7 months of being together yesterday. I honestly can't believe I've been in a relationship for 7 months, with the perfect guy.
There are some negative things on my mind though about how we both sit in this relationship, and I really need to get it off my chest. Some of this next bit is my honest feelings, but sometimes honesty can be a little bit overwhelming and selfish, but then again, I can't help how I feel.
Firstly, my boyfriend forgot to give me a 7 months card. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal at all, but we both decided from day one that we will exchange cards with our feelings for each other on each month until our 1 year. This isn't the first time he's forgotten to give me a card, he also forgot to give me a 4 months card, but our 4 months also fell around the same time as Christmas. So that's understandable. But this time it just kind of hurt a little bit for me to give him a card and not receive one in return.
Once he realised he forgot to get me one (which because he didn't have time to get one... But.. It only takes about 2 minutes to buy a card..) he quickly whipped up an "E-card". And don't get me wrong, it was really thoughtful, but It would have been really nice to receive a normal card on the day.
I know this whole situation might sound a bit ridiculous, and I'm honestly not even that pissed off about it, it just got to me yesterday. But it's not like I'm going to hold a grudge against him or anything! Haha.
And another issue that has been making me feel a bit frustrated/upset is our sex life. And just a warning, this next bit may be perceived as selfish, but it's just how I feel.
Before I was with my boyfriend, I was having sex (full on sex) on a fortnightly basis, roughly. But the past 7 months have been a bit of a shock to my system considering my boyfriend is a virgin. And of course I am respectful of that fact, and I do understand what it's like to be in the situation where you only want to have sex when you're ready. It's only normal to feel like that. It's just a little hard knowing that when we entered our relationship, we were both at polar opposite ends on having a sex life. I accepted this fact when I entered our relationship, but now that it's 7 months in, and barely any improvement has been made, I'm finding it a little harder to deal with.
At about 4 months in our relationship we were both comfortable with each other naked, and started to understand how each other worked. It was also around this time when my boyfriend told me that he didn't like giving head. Which is fair enough, we all have our dislikes when it comes to sex acts.
My frustration is driven from the fact that it's been 7 months and I feel like every time we engage in sexual activity, all I feel like I'm doing is jacking myself off with someone else in the room. And since it's been about 8 or 9 months since I've had actual sex, it's getting really hard to just keep doing the same routine over and over again (especially since most of the time, he doesn't work...I guess you can say our sex life is a bit of a 'flop').
Now, in saying all of this, I'm not for one second suggesting that I want him to have sex with me right now, otherwise it's over! I'm NOT saying this at all! I don't want to feel like I'm pressuring him, and I honestly don't think I am, I have been nothing but patient in the sex department for 7 months, and I have also been very understanding of what it's like to be in that situation.
Another main thing that is making me frustrated is the fact that last night I told him that when he's ready to give actual sex a go, I will be more than willing to be both a bottom (the receiver) and a top (the giver) because everyone deserves to know what both feels like. However, since I have had a lot of sex before, and am already aware of what my body best performs with (being a top), I told him that I will definitely not be the bottom in this relationship. I have my reasons for not wanting to be a bottom, and it's mainly because I just don't like doing it (just like how he doesn't like giving head, and I've respected that, and am fine with him not doing it), and it really isn't a pleasurable experience for me. It's mainly a horrible experience for me.
So, in the long run, I hope and pray he turns out to be a bottom so our sex life can actually work and not be a miserable disaster. If he doesn't ending up being a bottom, It might effect our sex life greatly, but then again, if he chooses to be a top, I wouldn't blame him. Because after all, I prefer it too and will understand his reasons for not being a bottom.
This part of our sex life I will probably not negotiate with. I've already chosen who I am, and how I act in my sex life. It's not up to him.
I hope you're well, hope you enjoyed this read about my sex life... Haha!
No comments:
Post a Comment