I'm feeling both of two things equally at the moment: Upset and Relieved.
Relieved: I am feeling relieved because my boyfriend and I managed to sort out another one of our fights. This fight was a fairly big one, and many hurtful, yet some truthful things were said, but I'm very glad that we have both taken things on board with each other and have resolved the fight. It also makes me really happy to notice that we are both learning from our mistakes and are growing more as a couple because these fights that we're having are becoming more and more rare than common. This is the first fight (proper fight) that we have had in about a months time. Which is actually really great considering there was a time when we were having them once or twice a week. So, I'm very relieved about this!
Upset: I am feeling upset at my dad. If you read my previous post, I mentioned that he told my sister and I that he wanted to have a chat with us about how to fix things and take on board our feelings towards him. I was not looking forward to this chat AT ALL because I know that my father NEVER learns, and is quite not used to taking criticism directed at him.
Without putting too much detail into this post (because to be honest I'm sick or repeating this story to people) I'm going to keep it short and simple. Basically, he was just rude. He didn't take on board anything that my sister and I discussed with him. He was yelling, screaming and carrying on at us, and also relayed everything back on my mum and kept saying that it was her fault. I mainly kept quiet because I really didn't want to be there and wanted it to be over as soon as possible, but the only things I did (try to) discuss with him was just how I felt like I've never had a father in my life.. Even giving clear examples and VALID examples to support my harsh statement, in which I still believe is true.. But he just didn't want to hear it.
Instead of taking what I said to him on board, he just kept asking me "Would you prefer it if I left?", "Were you happier living with just you and Mum?" And "Tell me how I can be the perfect father?".
To me, those kinds of questions should NOT be asked by a father to his son. Especially "Would you be happier if I left?"... I mean.. How does one respond to that? In my head all I wanted to say was a big fat YES... But I know if I did, he would have packed his bags and left, and I would have been feeling guilty for the rest of my fucking life. So, I responded by telling him the it was a really unfair and hurtful question to ask your son. And if course, he cracked the shits and stormed off.
Even now, when the argument was a few days ago, he is still asking me, and is still being a royal prick to me, 24/7. I can't really do much about it now besides wait, and see what happens.
Hope you're all well and wonderful (:
No comments:
Post a Comment