"Baby, you light up my world like nobody else. The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed. But you when smile at the ground it aint hard to tell, you don't know, you don't know you're beautiful."

At the moment I'm listening to "What makes you Beautiful - One Direction".I'm a little bit excited at the moment. I have schoolies on Friday! I really cannot wait. SO excited, even though I really don't think it will be much fun since some people that I'm going with I'm not really fond of, But still, it's SCHOOLIES!

I also have another date tomorrow at my place with the same guy as last time. The thing is though, I'm not really sure If i truely like him or not. I just don't have the heart to tell him that I don't because he really is a lovely guy. GAHH!

I'm ALSO loving my new computer my family got me for my graduation (which was REALLY fun and relieving). It's fast and has lots of space which is damn excellent!

Looking back over my blog since I first started it, I have changed as a person significantly. I am slowly getting to be a better person, both physically and mentally....... more so mentally. I'm still a fat bastard ;)

Some of my mates are going through a really tough time at the moment. I really hope everything works out for the best for them. I love them all and only wish them to be happy and passionate. I just wish there is more things I can do for them to help them in a realistic mannar rather than just posting my thoughts on a blog. I really do! :(

"And just outside I can hear the sound of the early morning street becoming way too loud. Yeah, the hum of the engines in the cars on the street, yeah on the street. And with this cigarette that I just lit, as I passed the 53rd Street bridge. Right now the world just seems too big, the world just seems to big. Sit down, remind me how this is the same old story of growing up and getting lost."

At the moment I'm listening to "Help save the youth of America from exploding - Less Than Jake".
Have you ever had that feeling where you are not really sure whether you like someone or not? Like them enough to keep on dating them??

I went on a date last night with this REALLY cute guy. He was very lovely and everything that anyone could ask for, I'm just not sure if he is the right guy for me. We don't have many of the same interests and he isn't out. I know I would find it complicated to have a relationship with someone If they weren't open about their sexuality. Not that I'm saying this guy and me are in a relationship, I'm just stating my general views.

And another thing, I really don't want to be in a relationship right now. I want to wait until I have settled down into my adult life (University, Job etc).

I'm enjoying being single, but I also don't have the heart to tell this guy I would only like to be friends.

GAHH! :S

"Weep for yourself, my man, You'll never be what is in your heart. Weep Little Lion Man, You're not as brave as you were at the start. Rate yourself and rake yourself, Take all the courage you have left. Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head. But it was not your fault but mine. And it was your heart on the line. I really fucked it up this time. Didn't I, my dear?"

At the moment I'm listening to "Little Lion Man - Mumford and Sons".
I never knew this day would come. The day I finished year 12. SO FUCKING EXCITING TO KNOW THAT I HAVE OFFICIALLY FINISHED MY LAST EXAM TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is excellent news. But, in more sadening news, I have a date on wednesday night. I don't really want a relationship, at the moment, I really don't. I would like to wait until university for that to happen. And I am also feeling VERY uncompfortable about my weight at the moment. I've put on SOO much recently and it's making me a bit sad.

I also really need to find a job, and fast! I'm ridiculously finacially fucked. Petrol, smokes, drinks, presents, food and anything else that i need to buy is just SO hard to get a hold of now days. :(

Let's hope, now that school is over, that I can find myself a stable and well-paying job, that I can lose a lot of weight and look good for the summer and to enjoy the time I have off before, and if, I get into my Bachelor of Arts (Psychology) course at University.

Ahhhhhh life.

"I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. Fire away, fire away. Ricochet, you take your aim. Fire away, fire away. You shoot me down, but I won't fall. I am titanium".

At the moment I'm listening to "Titanium - David Guetta ft. Sia".

This week and a half has been pretty good. All of my important exams are over, and I only have two more to go. I'm looking forward to freedom. I can almost taste it.

I've also recently discovered an artist I found on YouTube. He is BEYOND amazingly talented. Check him out:

Reow ;)

Hope you're well!

"Don't you believe everything you hear, darling focus on the prize."

At the moment I'm listening to "47 - A New Found Glory".
Okay, so I am VERY disappointed in myself. I have continued to smoke again. I hate it, but I can't stop. I lasted 4 days without smoking....

I guess things could be worse though. Even though I keep reminding myself of all the goals I need to achieve to be completely happy (Losing weight, quitting smoking, becoming fit and even looking good naked) but I really need to focus on more important things.... Like my next four days of overwhelming exams.

Yay!! -.-

"But at the right place at the right time, I'll be dead wrong and you'll be just fine. And I won't have to quit doing fucked up shit, for anyone but me. And at the right place at the right time, it will have been worth it to stand in line. And you won't have to stop saying "I love cops" for anyone but me, Your private eye."

At the moment I'm listening to "Private eye - Alkaline Trio".
This is Day 2 without smoking. FUCKING HELL I'M DYING!!!!
I even went outside with my mum before when she was smoking, I held a smoke in my hand and pretended to smoke even though it wasn't lit. It was suprisingly helpful!

I really don't think i will last the night. But, let's face the reality. People who have quit smoking RARELY quit straight away. They need to quit in small doses...

So, if I happen to give into my urges, I will develop a new plan of not buying my own cigarettes until schoolies. I will only smoke when I'm REALLLYYY stressed. That is all.

On the plus side I'm feeling a bit healthier. But on the down side, I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing else I can do that will make me go well in my maths exam.

Agh dilemmas!!

"Don't wanna think about it, I indulge myself. Distraction eases pain, bury my emotions to protect myself. Till I can't feel a fucking thing. I've dared to dream, I've tried to live but I've played it safe again. Just another slave to my vices now. Bring out your dead."

At the moment I'm listening to "Bring out your dead - Strung Out".
I've had a pretty fun week. Halloween parties, mates, drinking, laughing and smoking.... Ahh smoking, I thought you once helped me. But you are in fact killing me.

Tonight I had my last smoke until schoolies (Because I know I'll smoke at schoolies), which is exactly in one month. I promise you, I will become healthy. I want to feel what it is like to breathe again.

Bring on new lungs. Believe in me, because I can do it!

6 exams to go. Hopefully I do well!