"And I'm as scared as anybody who has done this, I wouldn't give it up for nothing free. You took my life, turned it around and put my feet back on the ground. I owe you, eternally."

At the moment I'm listening to "For Fiona - No Use for a Name".
I'm feeling so completely exhausted. Not only did my friend overdose on extremely powerful drugs and slit her arms open with a razor, but I have also been going through a tremendous amount of psychological pain. I confessed something to my mum last night. Something that I have been keeping from her for over 10 years. I finally gathered up the courage to tell her that I was sexually molestered as a child by one of my distant cousins. I was about 9 and my female cousin, Jacinta, was a couple of years older than me.

Still to this day I remember everything! Every little detail that happened that day. I remember her telling me to un-button my school shirt and pull my pants down. I remember the green and brown square bathroom tiles facing me as I took my clothes off. I remember the dark red (almost brown) lounge chair she said on naked in front of me as I knelt down in front of her and she spred her legs.

My mum was shocked at this news, as I'm sure you can imagine.

This week, I have also had a bit of a HIV scare. But I will be getting tested soon. I really doubt that I have it.

The strangest part is though, I have been in an awfully strange mood lately. Normally, someone should be feeling some sort of sadness when hearing this and experiencing this! But I don't. I feel strangely happy, energetic and am smiling!
Deep down inside of me though, I am really not coping well! On the outside, this is just an unusual and unstoppable way of coping.

Fuck.