"Well I know not to lose it, but aren't you in the bullet? I can't wait to say 'enough is enough, cough it up and use it.' I'm keeping composure, my blood's boiling over. We've been through push to shove, now the gloves are off, hit me like you mean it. To justify my loss of self control, I know I probably should just let it go."

At the moment I'm listening to "The Hits Keep Comin' - Neural".

To be brutally honest, the only word that can describe me recently is: Odd. I have been very odd lately... and I don't know why.. What do I mean? Well, I mean that my mood has been ridiculously up and down, ALL week. And the majority of the time, without any cause. Some days I have been feeling great! Feeling like nothing in this world can possibly get me down... and then, all of a sudden, it gets bad. Not as bad as it has been in the past, but still pretty bad. I was even very upset with myself when, all of a sudden, suicidal thoughts started pouring into my head today. Completely random as well. (I changed my thoughts and reassured myself that everything was fine, so don't worry)... but seriously, what the fuck?? Why does things like this all of a sudden just creep up on me and completely change my day..?! Not to mention how it affecting everyone else in my life, especially my boyfriend who just isn't used to the way my brain works yet... but then again, I'm not used to it yet either.

It was actually pretty funny today. Mum asked me a simple question. She asked me if I wanted to start trying to stop taking my anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications. I don't know what got into  me, but I just flipped out and pretty much directly told her that I was just not ready to get off them!! Which is a bit sad. I don't want to be on these pills forever, but then again, I don't want to let them go. Well, at least not at the moment.

So, apart from this delightful news, I guess I don't really have much else to report. I just really hope that whatever is going on in my brain settles down, and fast! I can't keep living not knowing if tomorrow will be a happy or a sad day. It's really starting to get a little confusing.